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Walking through the graveyard
Grief comes in many forms. As I have mentioned before, my current state is “dumpster fire.” The ending of an era, the ending of relationships, the ending of life as I knew it before is all weighing on me. One of my homework assignments in therapy is to walk through the metaphorical graveyard of all I’ve lost in the past year, or will lose due to all the changes occurring. To name every single thing, every idea of what was or could be, every good thing and every bad thing, and truly grieve it. Feel the disappointment from lost hopes. Dwell in the hurt from the sudden change in life…
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Outside Looking In
There is a phenomenon in human nature where we look at how another person is handling their life, and make judgements and assumptions about what they should or could be doing instead. We assume someone is stuck, or lazy, and have thoughts like “If I were in their shoes, I would be doing…” Well, the trouble is, you are NOT in their shoes. And your judgment, however well-intentioned, is just that. It is judgment. It is not helpful. I’ve done more than my fair share of research on the effects of emotional abuse, which transparently, is something I experienced for many years. This abuse is insidious, and seeps into the…
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It is time for a ‘Glow Up’
Belly floof. Pudgy arms. Thunder thighs. Every area of your body does not look the way you want it to. You keep showing up daily, but you are disheartened. There isn’t 100% to give anymore; you feel like just being there has to count for something. Sleep wins sometimes; more often than you would like. You are mentally and emotionally (and let’s face it — physically) exhausted. The scale creeps up, a few pounds at a time. Bending over to tie your shoes gets more and more uncomfortable. When this happens to me, my brain goes right to those awful thoughts. Thoughts about my worth, or whether I deserve to…
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Rewiring: Overcoming Emotional Quicksand
Someone used to tell me all the time, “perception is reality”. I used to bristle at this phrase, as mostly it was used to explain their reactions to my perceived inadequacy. In the past year, I’ve come to realize that there is a spark of truth to this phrase, and what we perceive and what we experience and what we think certainly does become our reality in many ways. It is funny how we won’t always know what could trigger an extremely emotional response in our body. The kind of response where you can’t suppress your emotions or extreme fear and anxiety. Maybe your chest feels tight, your gut wrenches,…
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Standing Beside the Fire
Earlier this month, I was told something profound…that I wouldn’t have thought of on my own. ‘When you step out of the flames, you will find burns. That is the only way to heal. You can’t heal when you are in the midst of the fire.’ Since I’m no longer in the fire, so to speak, I get to begin the healing process. I’m not far away enough from the fire to start seeing the burns. I am still aflame…maybe glowing embers instead of actively on fire. I know I have damage, but I haven’t assessed it yet. Did I stop, drop, and roll? Unfortunately not. Can you stop, drop,…
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There are cows that can jump over the moon…
…And cows that can’t make it over a fence. For the past few months, I have been the latter cow. Stagnant. Stuck. Spinning my wheels with nothing to show for it. What is my fence? Some of this is my own fault. I’ll admit I wasn’t as focused on the habits that would get me closer to my desired results. I let the stressors of life get in the way of my routines. Life is always stressful in some way, we build our routines to work for us in times of stress so we don’t spend the mental energy thinking about it. I did an extremely poor job building those…
